Moose Tracks, Volume 1: The Embarrassing Mix
- "Medley: Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In," by The 5th Dimension. From the Forrest Gump Soundtrack. Back in college, I had a favorite late-night summer hangout in Ocean City, NJ that had this in the jukebox. When my friends and I would arrive, we'd take over the jukebox, and I put this on one evening as a joke. It quickly become a recurring joke... at least that's what I let my friends believe.
- "Love Will Keep Us Together," by Captain & Tennille. From Captain & Tennille's Greatest Hits. I once pit this on a mix-CD for my wife. Love that '70s kitsch.
- "I Believe in a Thing Called Love," by The Darkness. From Permission to Land. Seriously, hard rock/heavy metal vocalists should not sound like they're so gay. Hell, Judas Priest's lead singer didn't sound this gay, and he actually was.
- "Too Funky," by George Michael. From Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael. At the risk of being gross, the only thing too funky about me is my gym socks after an hour-long workout. Seriously, I'm way too white-male to love this song, and George doesn't sound as gay as the lead singer from The Darkness.
- "Still," by Geto Boys. From the Office Space Soundtrack. Gangster-rap by and large isn't funny. However, the line "Your ass is gonna make you shit your meal" is.
- "Gin and Juice," by The Gourds. From The Gourds Live At Bluebird Theater 6/18/03, Vols. 1, 2 & 3. Just thrill at how much better really misogynistic rap music is when it's performed as bluegrass instead.
- "Lick It Up," by Hayseed Dixie. From Kiss My Grass: A Hillbilly Tribute To Kiss. For that matter, see how much better really misogynistic heavy metal is when it's performed as bluegrass instead. I especially love some of the add-libbed lyrics toward the end.
- "Come to Butt-Head," by Beavis & Butt-head. From The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience. When you get down to it, this is really what's going on in men's heads -- and not sudden attempts at Shakespearean meter and rhyme -- when we see a woman we're attracted to.
- "Say You'll Be There," by the Spice Girls. From Spice. Of all the songs in this collection, I think this is the one I'm most embarrassed to admit liking. I am so thankful for iTunes because it allowed me to purchase thing song from the privacy of my own home and listen to it immediately.
- "Teenage Dirtbag," by Wheatus. From Wheatus. I'm not embarrassed that I like the song. I'm embarrassed that I identified with it so much, even though I was in my late 20s when it came out.
- "...Baby One More Time," by Fountains of Wayne. From Out-Of-State Plates. I like this so much better than the original, but I'm still somewhat ashamed that the song itself is on my iPod.
- "Theme from 'Shaft'," by Isaac Hayes. From The Best of Isaac Hayes, Vol. 1. See comments to "Too Funky."
- "I Will Survive," by Cake. From Fashion Nugget. You've probably noticed by now that there are a lot of covers on this album. In almost every case, I didn't care all that much about the original version, but for some reason I really fell in love with the cover. 20 years ago, I would have been ashamed to admit I like this song. However, this version made me fell in love with it.
- "Foolish Beat," by Debbie Gibson. From Out of the Blue. I'm not a lawyer, but if I could argue in court that teenagers should be locked up for their own protection until the hormonal raging subsides, then I would open and close my case with this song. When my first girlfriend dumped me at the end of my sophomore year of high school, this was literally the first song I heard on the radio. I went out and bought the single the next day. I still love the fucking song, and I blame my 16-year-old self every day for it.
- "Smooth Criminal," by Alien Ant Farm. From Anthology. I think the video had more to do with my deciding to like this song than the quality of the cover. Regardless, this band is responsible for my liking a song that I didn't like when it first came out over 15 years ago.
- "Five O'Clock World," by The Vogues. From K-tel Presents: The Vogues and the Equals: Back to Back. For a few years there, Drew Carey was my hero, and I thought the opening montage he had when this was the theme song for The Drew Carey Show absolutely ruled. In fact, everytime I hear this song, I wish my commute to the office was as cool.
- "Don't You Want Me," by Human League. From The Very Best of the Human League. Bring on the cheesy, 80s synth-pop! Feel in love with the song as a preteen, before I was able to discern really good music from really bad music. Oh, well. It's still fun to listen to.
- "Dance The Gloomies Away," by The Wiggles. From Wiggle Bay. Hey, go ahead and laugh, but this sort of thing happens when you have kids. You listen to so much children's music that you find yourself really enjoying it -- even when it's performed by four grown men in their 40s and dressed like rejects from the original Star Trek.
- "Merry Fucking Christmas," by Mr. Garrison of South Park. From Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. Politically incorrect, and flat-out racist, but damn... this is some funny stuff.
- "Bizarre Christmas Incident," by Ben Folds. From Maybe This Christmas. Actually, I'm not that embarrassed that I like this song. However, as much as I love Ben (he trails only Barenaked Ladies on my list of all-time favorite musical artists), he should be embarrassed that he came up with such a twisted Christmas tune.
- "What The Hell Child Is This?," by Chef (Isaac Hayes) of South Park. From Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. If you don't own this album, you really should. In the meantime, I just want someone to explain to me what exactly "fa la la your las" means.
More embarrassing than any song on this list, I misspelled "embarrassing" on the CD itself when labeling it, and I have a B.A. in English Literature and edit an online magazine. Of course, I blame spell checkers for my inability to spell certain words correctly these days.
Finally, I am aware that a few people reading this are still owed a CD from an exchange that I signed up for last year but never followed through with. If you are one of those people and want a copy of this CD, let me know and I'll send it to you as compensation for not completing the last exchange.